Confessions of a Near-Graduate

Don’t think of a pink elephant.

You did, didn’t you?

Doing exactly the opposite of what you’ve been told is a pretty natural reaction for us humans. Sometimes it’s involuntary; sometimes we catch ourselves rebelling and make a conscious effort to stop. Sometimes we don’t know how to stop.

This week has been a lesson in resisting the temptation to focus on the negative, the unknown, that which I dread.

Graduation. From North Greenville University.

I’ve been told that my “view is skewed.” I should be more than ready to walk across that stage on December 10th. But I’m not. Not entirely.

I’m glad that I’ve reached my goal. (Because, honestly, there were many times when I didn’t think I’d make it this far.) Yet here I am, on the brink of the future—and I’ve been fighting it with all I’ve got.

Not because I don’t want to grow up. Not because I’m afraid of the real world.

But because I belong at NGU. My heart is at NGU. It has been for some time now. I can’t stand the thought of being separated from it, from the people who make it what it is. The people who have influenced who I’ve become. My heart aches at the thought of leaving them.

With only five weeks until graduation, I can’t ignore its inevitability anymore. Acceptance is mandatory; preparation is key. But here’s the thing: I can’t stop thinking about it.

Last week ended with near panic attacks every time the mention of or thought of G-Day entered my mind. I slunk toward despair. (And even now, as I write, I find myself making an effort to divert my attention from that grayness of mood.)

Then Pastor Thomas spoke on God’s promises—Philippians 4:6-7 specifically—on Sunday. Broken down into two parts--the command and the promise-- this passage spoke volumes to me this week. Verse 6 reads, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.” Simple enough. Don’t worry about anything, talk to God, and be thankful. Then comes the promise in verse 7: “and the peace of God which passes all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Obey the command and you’ll be at peace; God will comfort you.

Of course it took several days for this to sink in. Meanwhile, I continued my lament. At least, I did until I realized today that I can live one of two ways during the next five weeks.

Option 1: Walk around in a miserable, depressed state because “time waits for no one” (according to Souza).

Option 2: Accept that graduation is near and appreciate the little things that make life sparkle in the meantime. (Little things including work study hours spent serving others, lighthearted and not-so-lighthearted conversations with mentors and friends, Tuesday/Thursday lunches, unexpected meetings…I could go on.)

So I’ve decided that I’m going to make the most of these last few weeks at NGU. I’m going to embrace each day as an opportunity to make memories. I’m going to be thankful for each tiny, sparkling gift God gives me throughout the day.

And if you catch me on a bad day, pray for me. And remind me of the sparkles, the nuggets of happiness, of peace that have made the past four years so dear to my heart.

And know that I am thankful for your part in my life everyday.

"For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin--real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first [. . .] At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. This perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one" ~Souza